In May of 2022, Satan tried to take me out. He tried to get me to turn away from God. He saw an opportunity to step in and create chaos in my mind, trying to get me to stay angry with God. However, God did not let him have “his” way. I truly believe God saw more in me than I saw in myself and therefore, knew what transpired would only strengthen me to rely on Him, the Alpha and Omega, my Savior.

The beginning of 2022 was filled with joy from finding out we were expecting a baby girl, Serena Joy Crane. Moving through the months, my health declined in more ways than one. I developed preeclampsia which made my blood pressure spike high and restricted growth to the baby. I then developed HELLP syndrome at 23 weeks pregnant which now meant my organs were failing and an emergency C-Section was needed. Serena was born May 1, 2022 weighing 1lb 3oz. She lived in the NICU for 5 days until the Lord decided to call her home.

I saw Serena take her last breath, I saw her heart stop, I had screamed out in the NICU room “NO GOD, PLEASE NO” as they removed all the wires from her tiny body. I cried the loudest and the longest I ever had. We were told the morning of that she was stable so this loss took us all by surprise.

My husband and I were a mess. Where do we go next? What are we supposed to do? Time to call cremation sites. Time to talk to counselors about our grief that we didn’t ask for. I felt so angry at the doctors for lying to us about her true status, I felt guilt that I complained about pain, I felt I had let my husband down by getting so sick. I was mad at God for taking our daughter. I cried for Serena to come back. I grieved heavy and hard.

Guilt, sadness, and anger were the feelings Satan wanted me to have and let them grow deep in my heart where I would turn away from God and blame Him for everything that happened and never speak to God again. Satan wanted me to become depressed and stay in depression. He wanted me to shut all doors and lose my loving nature. He wanted me to never step foot in a church again and hide from friends. Satan wanted me to walk away from God forever and for a few days maybe he felt that was going to happen. Little did he know God had bigger plans up his sleeve.

Mother’s Day approached a few days after Serena away passed. I was dreading this day because I was with one less child. Around 9am I was woken up by God and by some miracle, He got me to get up and go to church. That morning at church was when Satan learned he messed up. That morning Jesus met me face to face in my pain, grief, anger, sadness, and guilt. He met me and touched my heart, mind, and soul in a way I can barely describe. There was a peace that flooded my veins bringing me to raise my hand at the alter call and I told Jesus “have your way in my life.”

Since saying yes to Jesus, I have been on the most incredible journey. I have grown to know God in a way I never knew Him before. He is the first one I talk to in the morning and the last one I talk to at night. I worship Him every time I am in the car. I overcame addictions, strengthened my prayer life, received miracles, and had Jesus opened my eyes to see as He sees. Now that I know God and have conversations with Him on a daily basis, I can say with peace in my heart that I am thankful to God that Serena is no longer hooked up to wires and machines, instead she is free in Heaven. He allowed me to grow CLOSER to Him realizing that when we are going through a tough season that we NEED Him because ONLY God can help heal the brokenhearted (Psalm 147:3 ). He healed me in so many ways. He saved my life from going downhill. He saved me from myself. He is God Almighty, My Savior. What the enemy meant for evil was turned into God’s glory. Satan tried and he failed creating the exact opposite of what he wanted. Now I serve God and have begun this ministry to help other women find Jesus in the pain. God has been right here all along and He wants to help. Don’t ever let Satan close that door because God has so much more joy around the corner. It is okay to not be okay, just let God pull you up when you are ready and do not listen to the lies for too long.

Worshiping, smiling again, studying the Word of God

Gods way will be done. I will continue sharing his glory through my blog posts of revelations He has given me over the course of my healing. He has given me so many topics and I look forward to sharing all God has to say! Sorry but not sorry Satan, you did not win. You tried, and you failed. God is my Savior for the rest of my life and into eternity where I will get to be with Serena again in Jesus name. Amen

Written by Natalie Crane