Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

I was at home sitting on the bed writing in my “Freedom” workbook (the forgiveness chapter) with tears rolling down my face realizing I was held captive by the one who abused me years ago. The question I had to answer in the book was “Am I harboring unforgiveness? Towards whom?” His name popped up in my mind immediately and memories came flooding back to when I was a freshman in college.

I thought I met the man of my dreams, my forever love. He had me convinced there was no one else for me. To my knowledge he was it; no one else would love me back like he did, no one.

Sophomore year, Halloween night, was the day everything changed. I was naive and thought he was just drunk and this was just a fluke in his emotions yet little did I know I was seeing his true colors. That night after I told him a few things, his rage appeared by punching the inside of my car door and then smashing a glass container to a fire extinguisher.

Since that evening things only got worse. I don’t remember the dates of each of these yet here’s a few things that happened between Halloween to the middle of Junior year: he gave me a concussion, held a knife to my cheek long enough to bleed, choked me, cheated and lied to me, broke up with me and begged for me back many times, yelled at me, threw nearly all of my clothes in my closet onto the floor in anger, broke a necklace I gave him, drove drunk and got us into a car accident (convinced me I needed to buy him a new car because the accident was somehow my fault and out of fear of what he’d do if I didn’t, I bought him a car), he manipulated me, he said things that made me feel I was not good or pretty enough for anyone.

The end of Junior year I finally built up courage to walk away after finding out he cheated on me again, however, he then began to stalk me and threatened possible future “love” interests causing my heart to be broken over and over. Little did he know, the broken heart turned into one that wanted revenge so I decided to meet with him one day, placed my phone in my pocket and set it to record the entire conversation. In the conversation I was able to get him to admit all the pain he caused me. I took the proof of his abuse to the college and they expelled him for Senior year. He was gone and out of my life, at least that is what I thought.

His words lingered in my life for many years after last seeing him. I constantly needed reassurance that I am good enough, that I am beautiful, that I do mean something. I needed to break free from other people calling me a liar for what happened. I needed to be free from his words that held me trapped.

After reflecting on the past, I took a deep breath and prayed to God to forgive me for holding onto bitterness towards this guy. I asked God to forgive me for saying I wasn’t good enough because He is my creator.

The next thing I knew I was picking up my phone, unblocking his number, and pressed “call.” As the phone rang my heart beat was pounding fast. I was secretly hoping he would not pick up however he did. The second his low pitch voice answered I began to cry silently.

“Hello?” He asked.

“Hi, its me, Natalie.”

“Natalie? Why are you calling me? You shouldn’t be talking to me.” He stated.

“I wanted to call you and tell you I forgive you and I am sorry for all that happened when you were expelled from College. I hope you are doing okay.”

After those words came out of my mouth, I felt a heavy burden lift off my shoulders. God picked up all the broken pieces of my heart and smashed them together to become whole. I let go of the lie that I was not good or pretty enough. I was able to see myself as God truly sees and loves me. God released me from the enemy’s grasp.

My ex ended up sharing with me where he was at in his life and how he was doing and then we said our goodbyes forever. It was goodbye to him, and true freedom for me.

Freedom small group helps an individual to free themselves from lies the enemy has told them by learning the truth from God’s Word, how to begin walking in the Spirit, and grow in a closer relationship with God. Freedom also leads us to surrendering our life to God.

Ask your church to find out if they have freedom groups available.

If you would like to learn more you can visit: https://freedom.churchofthehighlands.com/

Bait of Satan by John Bevere is another good book for forgiveness.

Written By: Natalie Crane

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